“If you can tell the world who you are & what you believe without breaking stride or hesitating, you are happy with yourself.”
Neale Donald Walsche
I attended a meeting this morning, & one of the organisers was explaining how networking had helped him go from redundancy to having a lucrative business he loved in the course of two years. While he wasn’t a great public speaker, there was something about him that made me want to give him business: he was
congruent.
“Congruent” is a description of how you are when what you do, say, & deeply believe are all aligned. Congruence is a sort of ‘deep honesty’ about who we are as individuals,
& it is attractive. People are powerfully attracted to congruent individuals.
So how do you go about becoming congruent? Well, here are a few tips:
1) Figure out your values, then honour them.
Values are “what’s important”. Examples include helping others, security, freedom, learning, love, family, contribution etc. You may know some of these right away, while others may take some digging. One way you can find out what you value is to identify something you really want, then ask…
“What will that give me that I wouldn’t otherwise have?”
When you get the answer to that question, ask it again, for example:
Q: What do I want?
A: A profitable coaching business.
Q: “What will that give me that I wouldn’t otherwise
have?”
A: Work I love doing.
Q: “What will that give me that I wouldn’t otherwise
have?”
A: Freedom.
When you go as far as you can, you’ll end up with a core value: what it is that’s really important to you. (I learned this question from the wonderful Ian Watson at
www.ianwatsonseminars.com/ – thanks Ian!)
2) Pay attention to your body.
Your body & neurology have been developed over thousands of years to provide you with unerring feedback about congruence. When you thank someone for a gift you don’t actually like, saying how lovely it is, that uneasy feeling in your body is an incongruence signal – a sign that you’re ‘out of tune’. When you have a deep sense of peace & joy, that’s a sign that you’re aligned & going in the right direction. One way to achieve greater congruence is just eliminate all activities that lead to incongruence. The fast track is just to…
3) Do what you love.
When you do what you love & let go of everything else, you get to spend more & more time experiencing a sense of joy. As well as being great fun, this is also highly attractive – people really like to be around someone who’s doing what they love!
One of the things I love doing is NLP Training. NLP is one of the best approaches I’ve found for helping people to live congruently & create the lives they choose. When I’m working with other people to help them become more fully themselves, I experience that sense of deep honesty that comes from being fully myself. This sense of being truly yourself is the most powerful ‘life-compass’ there is.
© 2004 Jamie Smart
Jamie Smart is an experienced NLP Trainer & author of Jamie Smart’s NLP Tips. To sign up for your free tips visit
www.saladltd.co.uk